Let thy attitude be gratitude…
Last night, I browsed my external hard drive for images to use for free canvas prints that I forgot I had. I came across pictures from my son’s 4th birthday, me wearing make-up, me eating regular pizza (pre-allergy days), and having clear skin (my skin is moderately-severely inflamed right now). I love collecting old pictures and keeping a digital scrapbook of myself because, nine times out of ten, when I review the pictures, I remember exactly what I was feeling or what I was doing. And I remember being insecure. I’d overcome many past insecurities, but was still not 100% sure of myself. Always desiring and wanting more, but never really enjoying the moment. Covetous. And The Most High has a way of dealing with covetousness.
I think about today. I turned 33 a week ago. Nothing has really changed. I still desire more, and I still struggle to enjoy the moment. I always tend to covet a better future, when the holy scriptures clearly state “Thou Shalt Not Covet!” Today, I look back at the past and desire what I had. I was able to eat freely with no fear of an allergic reaction, my only known food allergy was pistachio, and my main ailments were eczema and the occasional migraine. I was able to use make up, and although my self-image had drastically improved, I still felt flawed.
I reviewed old pictures of myself that I was ashamed to post online, thinking I did not look my best. I look at those pictures today and realize just how beautiful I looked in them. The pictures were just fine. My insecurities were too busy tearing me down. I did not appreciate the life I had then, and I often don’t appreciate what’s before me now.
Last night really reminded me how important it is to constantly be in praise and thanks to The Most High. I feel fake and hypocritical knowing that I write this post, but in a few days, heck, maybe even a few hours, I’ll experience a moment of want and desire, possible comparison, regret, or wishing that I could go back to the past, or longing for a better future. I bet so many people with incurable diseases, horrible circumstances, or just people who are dealing with anxiety, depressing, etc. wish that they could go back to a time before and be appreciative of what they have. Some of us have it worse than others, some of us have it better. We are all dealing with something, but one thing we all can do is be more thankful and grateful.
I am not one to create New Year’s resolutions because every day is an opportunity to be better, but with my recent birthday and going into the year 2020 (on the Gregorian calendar), I really have to change my way thinking. I have created a gratitude journal to write thanks in daily, whether I have to force myself to do it or not. I know things can always be better, but things can also always be worse. I want to appreciate the now and use my breath the glorify God in every circumstance. I have gotten to a place of quiet negativity within myself, and I really have to renew my mind if I want to get to the next stage of my life. I think a gratitude journal and know that meditating on scripture dealing with thanksgiving and renewing my mind, as well as prayer and praise will aid me in doing so.
All in all, I want be anyone who comes across this post’s takeaway to be: be adamant about being grateful. “Count your many blessings. Name them one by one.”
-Nikki with the Blog